scream til i faint

The Rebirth of LJ

Tue, 28 Apr 2009 00:26:07 GMT

The last time I made an entry in this journal I was 18 going on 19. I am now 22 going on 23, so much has changed since my last update of teen angst! Yeah... I went through a lot of bad times and I have done a lot of "bad" things. But, hey! I'm still here and have a lot of great things to talk about. Groups of friends changed. The last four years we have grown up, somewhat grown apart, in some cases grown ridiculously close. Jeska and I actually ended up living together in a crazy party apartment (told you it would happen!). Vince and Jeska ended up dating, still are dating, and have a little vinnie! Hell, Lauren and I even lived together for a while. After her and Dan had a baby and after Dan and I got really close... were not anymore. I miss Slapjack, she lives in LA now. I pretty much still talk to everyone who was ever mentioned, and so many new people. My dreams and goals and morals and standards and ideas have changed a million times. I'm sure they will keep changing. After all, "the only thing constant is change."

I could not help but laugh at myself when reading old posts, about hating guys and about music and shows. Well guys still suck, I still like music, things are just different. Boys don't write songs about me anymore ( as far as I know), I dont go to 5 shows a week anymore. HOWEVER I have met a boy who drives me absolutely crazy!! (OK OK yes he is in a band, so shoot me... I don't know how many times in how many posts I have said, "I'm staying away from boys in bands from now on!!!" c'mon things cant change that much!) His name is Ryan and he makes me an emotional mess. Sometimes I can't stand him and sometimes he is the best, but all the time I love him in a way I have never loved anyone else in my life. Dont get me wrong we have had a lot of things that had to be worked thru and im sure we have many more. But something that has changed since 4 years ago is that now I know problems can be worked through in one way or another. You don't have to jump straight to hating life.

It is impossible to hate life when you have an amazing son, especially a miracle baby who goes by the name of Raiden Phoenix. He was born 3 months premature and weighed a whopping 2 pounds 13 oz. Today he is huge and happy and very healthy, He will be one year old on June 6. So excited. This kid has been through so much and he is not even a year old. It is insane. He looks up to me but even at 15 inches tall I couldn't help but look up to him for being such a fighter. He is my true love, the man of my dreams!

I am now working at the gym in the sears tower and living by midway air port. I am going to try to update my journal like I used to. I think it will be good for me. I need to make sure I keep order in my life and writing helps me realize what needs to be changed and helps me focus on what I want and need out of life.

goodbye!!!

Thu, 16 Jun 2005 18:53:36 GMT

Im running away to florida. i am excited! im leaving wednesday morning...see ya later

IMSOINLOVE

Thu, 02 Jun 2005 09:53:08 GMT

ive been meeting so many new people and im in love with all of them! i love new friends! and stand before the firing squad is on their way here right now and me and derrick are gonna take pictures and make pasta and be fat and cute cuz thats what we do!

Mon, 23 May 2005 03:50:26 GMT

How to make a ni2ki

Ingredients:

1 part friendliness

1 part humour

5 parts leadership

Method:
Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Top it off with a sprinkle of wisdom and enjoy!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

im bored and feel sick. went to prom this weekend and 6 flags and a hotel party. fun stuff.

nerd core

Thu, 19 May 2005 08:45:19 GMT

i just nerded it up, saw starwars at midnight, and i was there over 2 hours early my friends.

Tue, 03 May 2005 09:02:00 GMT

I love when people call me when theyre drunk.

hmm so i need a new job.

Im going to prom again because i am awesome.

I wish i wasnt an insomniac cuz this is getting annoying.

Jay wrote an amazing song about me, its called losers say what and it rocks hard.

He wrote another song about me that is pretty cool and i think im gonna post it.

Tomorrow(today) Kevin is teaching me how to skateboard and then were having a movie night and doing eachothers make up.

Wednesday Kevin is taking me car shopping and then we are goin to the thrift store to buy matching shirts cuz were lame like that.

Designated Area

And when midnight passes
Is when it all starts making sense
She has a staring contests with the ceiling again
But she always wins, her insomnia always kicks in

She lights herself a cigarette
And she drags, and she drags, and she drags on with her life
'Let me smoke myself to sleep' she says
I guess she likes it better waking up on a bed of ashes

And when midnight passes
Is when she exhales her poison breath
Onto the window of the car covering up the scenery
And she writes her will, she's even writing her obituary

She's drawing on her dead lungs
And I swear I saw my eyes
She's drawing on her dead lungs
And I swore I saw my life flash...before my very eyes

Id post the other one he wrote, its my all time favorite song but i dont know where i saved it, but it sounds amazing live!!!

Wed, 27 Apr 2005 05:02:41 GMT

i really like this band

Invalid video URL.

i probably hate you

Tue, 19 Apr 2005 17:55:33 GMT

man so many people just really piss me off and i wanna go up to them and be like hey you are really fuckin stupid!!

but anyway the other day i saw everyone for a little bit at a party with a fire and it excited me cuz that means summer is on its way! kathrine dobbs is one awesome chick, jessica is one alcoholic but i love her anyway, ann's name is mustard flavored hot cheetos, vinnie is uncomfortable around freshman, vince is vince and he doesnt like mint flavored cigarettes. lauren likes my hair even tho i thought she hated me, dan crotty dressed up as pedro. pedro rocks! and there was more people there but u know...

went to see ARMOR FOR SLEEP!!! and the starting line with vince pedro jessica dan and zack. fun stuff i was very sweaty and my hair got very messed up. and emo dan from wheeling illinois was there and me and him are eachothers friends! im really just his friend cuz hes pretty and he has hot friends. i ate play doh that pedro brought from work, it was very much stuck in my teeth.

Mon, 11 Apr 2005 08:22:52 GMT

this kinda made me laugh, maybe im just tired.

Take the quiz: "How will you commit suicide?! (PICS!!!)"

Cutting
You will cut yourself to bits and pieces and bleed to death, and I doubt that it will be the first time cutting. You so alone, so sad, don't let others bring you down. Stay away from knifes and enjoy life.

Fri, 08 Apr 2005 19:12:42 GMT

who would have thought the words from justins mouth would ever mean anything truthful?!?! it sums up my life right about now..."what the fuck, this sucks."

so i passed out at work today on the bathroom floor. i wonder why...i hope its not what everyone seems to be thinking.

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 03:50:37 GMT

I have a boyfriend.

His name is Steve.

I said no more boys in bands.

What is wrong with me?

So last night i got in a huge fight with justin and smacked the shit out of him. martin and frank found it funny. Then Martin told me to stop cuz hes gonna pass out. He passed out, Martin told me hit him one more time to wake him up. So i did! I stole his license and i talked to him today...i dont think anyone has ever been more mad at me than he is.

Thu, 31 Mar 2005 01:29:46 GMT

ignore that last updatei was trying to figure soemthing out ill delete it later

Thu, 31 Mar 2005 01:27:16 GMT

[IMG]http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y44/ni2ki/cute.jpg[/IMG]

Fri, 25 Mar 2005 08:26:16 GMT

so like i said boys suck, at least this time i was smart and didnt fall for it. but it still pisses me off. i want massive revenge on all boys!

"thats what we do, we bang bitches" -ricky

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 15:34:27 GMT

So, i have decided to be like the boys, you know...they act like they like girls soooo much and then really theyre just banging every girl they see and using cheap lines then when theyre done with you they just completely ignore you and then make you feel like shit. only thing is its considered cool when guys do it but when girls do it it just makes you a slut, what is with that? but if you dont have feelings, your feelings cant get hurt right? maybe. i dont know im just getting kinda sick of it. but hey i used the best pick upline ever the other day..."our names rhyme and you have the same name as my brother, just thought id point that out." and hey what do u know a few days later i was hangin out with ricky and 2 of his mighty fine, girl pants wearing friends. its just sucks cuz i really did have fun they were crackin me up, i wish boys werent so fake. "el oh el, shift one."

so me and vince went on our date for his birthday. i was so tired i think its just a rule that whenever i see from first to last i have to feel crappy. but they didnt even play that good i wasnt impressed all that much. motion city soundtrack i thought was amazing as always, i of course had to dance when tehy played regardless of the feeling shitty. me and vinnie came up with an awesome tour. the dance party tour...the academy, the faint, head automatica, and motion city soundtrack, then telepathetic will headline, it will be non-stop dancing! dance dance dance dance dance!!!!and me and ricky are going to dance dance dance dance dance next time we hang out, after he does my hair again.

speaking of my hair it needs to by dyed very soon, joey was like "your hair is like 9 different colors" and hes right it is. but you know what joey look at your hair! haha im so puttin those pictures up here when i get home! i promise.(edit: and look here they are!)

look at that beautiful hair!

i think if i could do anything right now it would be brush my teeth.

ive become additced to myspace and its really sad. but my LJ friend who is also my myspace friend from california is my new best friend since birth that i never met and we were meant to be eating and hanging out together, but im so goin there for lunch and were gonna eat and im gonna go to a show and were gonna party! if youre reading this derrick you are amazingly cute and i love you as my new best friend and im commin on tour with you! oh and did you find us an apartment yet?

i have to pee so bad right now, and i am bleeding from my crotch wooohoo! jay says yay periods! nikki says boo periods!

Tue, 15 Mar 2005 07:29:53 GMT

man why do i always fuck shit up!????

Thu, 10 Mar 2005 08:45:18 GMT

sometimes i just forget about LJ im sorry. so yeah today was the taste of chaos, hey how bout my life is a taste of chaos but its my own fault and u know what i love every minute of it. justin was there he didnt wanna talk to me i could tell he woudnt look at me when we were talkin thats cool tho...i got other plans yo! but it was a great show lets just say i always thought gerard was hot but seeing him that close and in person holy hottness! affections else played and its so crazy to me to be like haha wow the singer from the band lives on my block and we used to play street hockey when we were little, after we went to hucks and i saw bauo, the bassist and we talked for a few and hes liek yeah did u see us throwing shit and i was like yes sir i did and thanks to you i got trampled! then while we were eating i was told a story about myself that i was unaware ever happened. i spent so much money today
i bought 2 paird of hot ass glasses liek 7 cds and a mcr shirt! and now im gonna pass out so i guess ill sleep. oh yeah and craig i hate you! and bryan i thought u were gonna liquor me up...

Wed, 23 Feb 2005 16:14:21 GMT

So i havent updated this piece of shit in forever. its not that i have nothing to say becuz actually a lot has been goin on. i just dropped my programming class. i hate school and i hope it dies.

I went to the reavis battle of the bands...i hate that place and the majority of the people in it, however i had a good time. i met a boy it was rather embarrassing but it all worked out in the end. it ended up that he was in a band, the winning band, crazy. after the show we went to his bassist house, and then the next day we hung out and... um yeah, and then he couldnt go home so we went on a mad search to find him somewhere to sleep, we found dan, thanks dan! but he didnt want me to leave him so i stayed the night too.
apparently steve was at the battle too because he saw me, however i did not see him.

Today me and justin AKA tucker (the above mentioned boy) are goin to hang out. hes pickin me up from school but i dunno what were gonna do, well i know some things were gonna do ;). maybe ill make him take me to the bank so i can get my checks cashed and then maybe hit up the mall or something because my moms birthday is in like 2 days or something and she told me to buy her silver jewlry. But im excited cuz he said hes gonna wear his favorite pair of girl jeans and an MCR shirt, thats hot.

Im insanely sick and from what i hear mono is going around thats just great! my throat hurts so bad.

Sun, 06 Feb 2005 07:46:31 GMT

so i havent updated in 8 years did u think i died?

well guess what i did! sara pretty much killed me in a car accident and if jessica was handicapped id have to kill her.

alots been goin on. one minute im super happy the next i hate you!

vince knows how to breath and thats about it. brand new is spoze to make u wanna have sex, 'specially with 2 hott chicks! turned down 3 times.

im goin on tour! OTA is on tour but theyre home right now and me and craig are partying when the tour is over.

see i was just happy now im pissed!

anyway umm i just saw kevin and he tricked me into kissin him but it made me laugh.
jim drove me home becuz he fuckin loves me. monicas mom hates me.

me and monica were outside of 7 11 and some really cute guy started talkin to us and he gave me a balloon i should made out with him. what the hell is my problem?!

Mon, 17 Jan 2005 04:39:11 GMT

all parties all the time.

2005 is the year of sell outs

Sun, 02 Jan 2005 08:22:46 GMT

new years was sooooo much fun. thanks for calling me vinnie! first me vince ash and estevan (squelch) went to estevans show. then we sat around complianin about where we were going. we ended up at jessicas house, i met her a few times b4 but we never hung out, shes cool. i met some new people, sara, alex, mark, eric and i think someone else. anyway, it was all of us, plus dillon, jeff and sean. $130-140 on liquor is a lot. there was puking! me and dillon switched clothes which was quite funny. ash stole our blankets...jerk! vince didnt go to work. me ash and dillon went to seans house after, they played halo and i slept from like 2-9 sleep is so good. bill is seans little brother, who knew!?!?! i see that kid everywhere! their older brother gave me the nick name "the guy on the couch."

...heres to 2lf sellin out in 05!

youre my favorite thing about the west coast

Mon, 27 Dec 2004 18:02:08 GMT

my computer is broken yippie! so im on the family one, i dont like it im not used to the keyboard...i paid for that damn computer...i think i bought the warranty, i hope. umm so happy holidays. cj bought me the awesomest shoes. thank you! and i got some clothes and stuff. so i havent talked to anyone in what feels like forever. work and school are the devil. i definitely wanna go somewhere this summer, lets make our own tour guys! winter break is a joke, i dont even get 3 full weeks off, and spring break is a whole freakin comedy, 3 days! shower time!

"got pus? milk does!"

Thu, 23 Dec 2004 20:23:18 GMT

last night was birthday festivities for josh! fun shit! vinnie christina and dan were in the parkinglot when we got there and they were there when we got out, so i stayed with them for a while. vince brushed my teeth, thats hot stuff, i bet u never had someone brush your teeth for you, i started a trend everyone brushed their teeth. dan complained about vince but he was even slower. whatever so we rocked out to some head automatica in the car we almost died and dan loves me even tho he doesnt know me , but then again we did meet in wisconsin and he beat the shit out of the ground. umm yeah coldness sucks. i got an email from columbia i think i am goin to transfer there in the fall. i got stickers!

"okay" is the "go" of rap

Wed, 22 Dec 2004 08:36:09 GMT

why have i been having fun lately? i dunno? went to wisconsin and sold some 2lf merch at the show. and saw hit the lights, oh how i love them. sam is home i saw rollins i wanted to touch his hair but he still hates me. for the most part all is fun times lately, i just wish people would stop being me instead of themselves its so annoying, i dont like myself, why would i like you if youre just like me???

Wed, 15 Dec 2004 18:24:26 GMT

i got out of class at like 1030, im so bored! 2 more classes left of this semester and i will have completed 2 semesters of college, not that i did it all that well, but you know how it goes. i feel like i ate tons of food but i really just ate a super small salad, crazy. who wants to play go to work for nikki? hmm, im sorry mr. kentucky boy my compluter was being retarded which is why i left you hangin...ill get back to u on it tho! this is me rambling with crap to say....

by the way, say "raisin nut loaf" it makes me laugh

my big sister sam is gonna be back in the hometown soon....PARTY TIME!!! party at mikes when ryan come home for break from notre dame too!

FRIDAY 2LF is playing with HIT THE LIGHTS from ohio, who is excited? me! they r so awesome i cant wait ill sing to you....youll find me at the end of my rope hanging on your every word im finally getting the hang of getting hung up on girls like you!! ok so he sings better than me but hey!